Being Single
Picking a Mate

Do not “fall in love” too quickly. 
Study the following suggestions as well as define the ten most important things you need in a spouse. See also A Method for Finding the Right Husband or Wife.

1. Find a mate who is able to deny himself or herself for your needs as well as you can for him or her, and who is willing to learn to do it more. Don’t settle for love that is just affection or sexual attraction. The Bible’s self-denying love for most every situation is agape love, and it is far superior. See Love One Another

2. Find a spouse who understands worship as you do or has a deeper experience you sincerely desire. Even if you think worship is just a matter of going to a church service, do not hook up with someone who discourages you from such attendance. If, on the other hand,  you understand that worship is reflecting back to God His own character throughout daily life (as in the Togethers), avoid a person who desires nothing more than the church song service and private devotions. See Worship God Together

3. Find someone to marry who wants God to have His way in life, especially marriage and family life. It can become contentious if one of you wants to live for God well and the other only a little. See Submit to God Together

4. Marry only someone who accepts and can appreciate the good things God has given you in your personality, talents, preferences and interests. That person doesn’t have to enjoy all the things you are interested in, but he or she at least must not criticize you for them, as long as those things are wholesome. You don’t want to live years and years with someone who is unhappy with you most of the time. See Accept One Another

5. For the best Christian marriage, both of you should want to live kingdom ways that require avoiding many things in secular culture. Satan tries to destroy marriages and uses sinful temptations that are just a bit off of acceptable recreations and pleasures. Living the Togethers, which are the ways of God’s kingdom, leaves less time for straying into sinful indulgences. See Live as Citizens of Heaven 

6. Marry only a Christian, so that your unity is in Jesus. But keep in mind that you can mistakenly marry a Christian who is much more or much less committed to the Lord than you, in which case there could develop friction. See Live Together in Unity

7. Do not marry a person with whom you argue or who quarrels with you. A fight once a month might be okay, but marriage would still be a gamble. Behavior is almost always best during dating and courtship and gets worse after marriage. Marry only if you both solve problems rather than argue. See Live Together in Peace

8. Find a spouse who can work with you as a team. Enjoy complementing one another’s qualities. God will expect harmony in a team that serves Him on a number of fronts. It will take some work over a few years to accomplish cooperation, but if there are no clear signs of potential, it might not be a good match. See Live Together in Harmony

9. Let others introduce you to a potential mate by having you and the person over to their house for a meal and conversation. If you let all your friends and relatives know what qualities you are looking for in a spouse, they can keep an eye out and then introduce you. This is one of the best methods for finding a mate, because your friends usually know the other person well enough to be aware of any hidden problems. See Be Hospitable with One Another 

10. Before you marry, put on a number of hospitality events, hopefully at each of your separate homes. The stress of entertaining others may reveal something that would give you caution about spending the rest of your lives together. Or you may find great harmony and good attitudes. See Be Hospitable with One Another 

11. Suggest a personal change occasionally in a truthfully accurate and helpful way to see if the potential partner can respond gracefully. Defensiveness during courtship can develop into all-out warfare in marriage. Make sure you both can accept that you have shortcomings, point them out to each other helpfully, and make necessary changes before tying the knot of marriage. See Speak to One Another Truthfully and Helpfully
 
12. During courtship, try to place courage into the person you are dating or are engaged to and see if he or she is someone who will try hard things. Realize that you are not married until the ceremony, so you should back out if it looks as though you could be walking into a lifelong, tedious relationship. A person who will not risk to impress you during courtship or engagement is probably far less likely to work hard in marriage if something difficult comes up. See Encourage One Another

13. Recommend your potential spouse to someone who needs his or her skills and see if the person of your interest responds positively. Low self-esteem might dampen willingness to help and can be a big problem in marriage. It is best dealt with before marriage. The desire to get married might be the only adequate motivation for the person to get counseling. See Commend One Another

14. Pay attention to the depth of faith in one you are considering for a mate. Don’t settle for “Bible talk” and common religious jargon that could be cultural rather than true faith. When Christian statements are made, ask a few questions to see how deep the person’s faith goes. See Examine One Another’s Faith 

15. Notice how your potential spouse acts in a group of non-Christians. Does he or she bring Jesus along and demonstrate godly behavior (we’re not talking about witnessing here), or does he or she practice the faith only in the company of believers? Before you make a marriage decision, see what kind of a Christian the person is. See Be Salt Together in a Bland, Tasteless World