Aging Well
Not Burdening the Kids

1. Develop a lot of your own activities that do not depend upon your kids or grandchildren. Biblical love (agape in the Greek) means self-denial for another’s good. Your children and grandchildren have lives to live and need you to have plenty of your own activities so they do not have the burden of making life wonderful for you. See Love One Another

2. Now that you have a lot of time on your hands, do not try to change your children. You need to accept who they are and how they choose to act. They do things differently than you do, and you need to let that be. See Accept One Another

3. Overlook the things your children and grandchildren do that hurt your feelings. Each of us does far worse to God. See Bear with One Another

4. Feel good about forgiving your children without making them feel guilty or requiring an apology. Think about how often God forgives you for many things you do that hurt Him. See Forgive One Another Without Being Asked

5. Let other family members have their way. Having your way too often is not the way of biblical love. Do things that others want to do, even if it is not “your thing.” See Submit to One Another

6. Make it your usual behavior to do good things for each of your children and grandchildren. Now that you have more time and are not chasing so many activities and dreams, you have time to do the really biblical things. See Serve One Another

7. Solve problems without quarreling. Do not make issues out of small things. You can set a great example for your family because you have years of experience in observing that not much gets done by arguing. Exercise your best problem-solving behavior. Also, your mature view realizes that most things are not all that important — certainly not so important as to destroy family relationships. See Live Together in Peace

8. Be humble and don’t act like you “know better,” even though you may from your many years of experience. Treat everyone as a little more important than you. See Be Humble with One Another

9. As much as you are able, entertain many people in addition to family members. This will keep you from dominating any family member’s time. See Be Hospitable with One Another

10. Do supernatural things for your children and grandchildren and their families. God has given you one or more spiritual gifts for the benefit of others. Know your spiritual gift or gifts and don’t hold God back from exercising His power through you. This will be a great contribution to your family. See Administer God’s Grace to One Another

11. Celebrate every family member’s achievements. Presumably, you have more time to do special things to honor the important days and special accomplishments of family members. See Honor One Another

12. Offer comfort when life hurts any of your kids, grandchildren or their family members. This is not about doling out advice, but about having a gentle, concerned presence expressed in some sincere fashion. See Comfort One Another

13. Help out when the consequences of a family member’s actions are difficult. This is the closest thing to Jesus’ dying on the cross for you. By helping to pay the consequences of another’s sin, you offer strong worship to God as He sees in you His Son. See Carry One Another’s Burdens

14. When they are open to it, offer to your children and grandchildren the knowledge you have learned over the years. And, don’t forget to teach those spiritual lessons you have struggled to learn yourself. See Teach One Another

15. Give advice, but do it sparingly, choosing the right moment when it will not seem like criticism. When possible, relate the advice to how you once needed it, commenting on how you would have gone the other way if someone had not cared enough to advise you. See Counsel One Another

16. Let others see how you think, feel and act. This is discipleship. It is modeling rather than teaching or counseling. The closeness of family relationships makes this possible and a particularly excellent way to lead your family. It is making yourself vulnerable, by being so open. See Disciple One Another

17. Do your fair share of work in the family. Especially if you are living with one of your children or grandchildren, don’t act as though they owe it to you to do all the chores just because you did so much when they were little. Later, when you near the end of your life, they will have to do far more for you than you can for them. Read See That Each One Does His or Her Part

18. Warn family members when you see danger coming, especially from Satan’s schemes. Keep in mind that everyone has a “blind side” to their own behavior and can at times be their own worst enemy. Everyone needs help in resisting evil. See Warn and Admonish One Another

19. As urgent situations come up, lay down your life for the welfare of family members — within reason. Especially if you have to live with a child, let go of comforts you are accustomed to if such comforts place an undue burden on others. See Die for One Another

20. Pray for each family member, specifically and individually, every day. Nothing is more valuable to your family than your prayers. Talk over with God each person, asking for the things they really need. At this stage in your life, you should have more time for prayer, having watched enough television, etc. See Pray for One Another

21. From your unique and unencumbered vantage point, watch out for the good of each family member. Take the time to consider, with God’s insight, each person’s needs. See Look Out for One Another’s Good