Together # 10
An Attitudinal Together
Bear with One Another
copyright by Dick Wulf, 2018
Put up with one another and be gracious, since we are all great sinners.
Put up with one another and be gracious, since we are all great sinners.
Rom 15:1; Eph 4:2; Col 3:13; Heb 13:1; James 5:9
Bearing with one another is critical to the stability and witness of the church. It should be easy if we keep in mind that God bears with us many times each day. Surely, we can work at putting up with one another, knowing that we are not stooping as low as He does.
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient,
bearing with one another in love.
Eph 4:2 (NIV)
bearing with one another in love.
Eph 4:2 (NIV)
God’s kingdom is broad enough to encompass different cultures and ways of doing things, even worship styles and ways of walking with God. To present the kingdom of love to a fallen world we need to avoid being divided by standoffishness. And, to present the kingdom as being one of forgiven sinners, we need to not judge one another. Putting up with one another is not just a nice idea, it is essential.
People are often uncomfortable with people who are different. More reserved people can be uncomfortable with very talkative types. And the reverse is true; talkative people can become irritated with those who do not say much. To be able to put up with each other, these people need to accept that the other is probably talkative or reserved by God’s design.
As just one example among thousands, Christians covered in tattoos, some from before they accepted Christ that are not in good taste, might arouse in us discomfort or judgment. Truth be told, all of us probably have many types of people we avoid, not wanting to be around them because we are uncomfortable or because we judge them to not be decent-enough people.
However, if God’s kingdom and work are to advance, we must bear with others either for the work of sanctification of Christians or for announcing the good news of Jesus to those outside of the faith. Since any meeting of Christians is loaded with potential for spiritual growth, we must begin to put up with different kinds of Christians and find joy in interacting with them. And, since any meeting with unbelievers might be God’s assignment to extend His offer of salvation, we need to work at being comfortable with all sorts of non-Christian people.
Some of the Togethers go hand-in-hand at times. This is particularly true of bearing with one another, accepting one another, and forgiving one another. In many cases one cannot be effective without the other one or two making critical contributions.
There seem to be two very different things we need to put up with, or “bear with”. The first are those things in others that annoy us but are not sins. The second is to put up with one another’s hurtful behaviors and sinfulness.
When bothersome behaviors and attitudes are not sinful, they are merely differences that are annoying. Obedient Christians bear with these differences by recognizing that they are allowable because they are not sin. Those behaviors are no threat. They are just the way the other person or people do things. It does not mean that those behaviors need to be either adopted or criticized.
A situation that illustrates this challenge for parents is that another Christian’s children might get very generous allowances without the responsibility of any significant chores. But, in their own family, allowances are smaller and attached to completion of chores. When the children complain that their friends get more money or don’t have to do chores, the parents put up with their friends’ parenting difference and do not need to criticize. But, they tell their own children that in their family everyone contributes to the family functioning and happiness.
There is not a right way to do most things, even though each of us thinks so. Even doing some things the wrong way are not sinful. Yet, because we are comfortable with our way of doing things and our way of thinking about things, we get irritated with others. However, God commands us to bear with one another to preserve unity and not hinder the work of the church.
Often “bearing with” requires accepting one another, which is another Together. Two friends might enjoy fishing together, but one of them is a last-minute person who is almost always a half hour late. Putting up with the late person means accepting that he is that way and perhaps moving the time a half hour earlier so that the two friends can still show up at the lake early when fishing is best.
We need to remember that we too have things about us that are difficult for other people to handle. Our way of life is most likely irritating to many people. Think what any gathering of Christians would be like where people do not put up with differences. It surely would not honor Jesus. Therefore, Christians are to become tolerant of differences that God allows, and sometimes even designs. Anyway, it just doesn’t work well for relationships if we try to make everyone else conform to our ways.
Fortunately, Christians committed to their closest relationships find that objectionable personal habits which are annoying at first are eventually taken in stride. Once we get more comfortable with a friend’s or family member’s idiosyncracies, it becomes easier to bear with them.
However, bearing with sinful behaviors and attitudes is much more difficult. For non-sinful behaviors, it is sufficient to just accept the difference, tolerate it, and work toward not being bothered by it. When thoughts or behavior are sinful, they need to be put up with in a different way. If the behavior has been hurtful to us, forgiveness is the first priority of bearing with another person.
People are often uncomfortable with people who are different. More reserved people can be uncomfortable with very talkative types. And the reverse is true; talkative people can become irritated with those who do not say much. To be able to put up with each other, these people need to accept that the other is probably talkative or reserved by God’s design.
As just one example among thousands, Christians covered in tattoos, some from before they accepted Christ that are not in good taste, might arouse in us discomfort or judgment. Truth be told, all of us probably have many types of people we avoid, not wanting to be around them because we are uncomfortable or because we judge them to not be decent-enough people.
However, if God’s kingdom and work are to advance, we must bear with others either for the work of sanctification of Christians or for announcing the good news of Jesus to those outside of the faith. Since any meeting of Christians is loaded with potential for spiritual growth, we must begin to put up with different kinds of Christians and find joy in interacting with them. And, since any meeting with unbelievers might be God’s assignment to extend His offer of salvation, we need to work at being comfortable with all sorts of non-Christian people.
Some of the Togethers go hand-in-hand at times. This is particularly true of bearing with one another, accepting one another, and forgiving one another. In many cases one cannot be effective without the other one or two making critical contributions.
There seem to be two very different things we need to put up with, or “bear with”. The first are those things in others that annoy us but are not sins. The second is to put up with one another’s hurtful behaviors and sinfulness.
When bothersome behaviors and attitudes are not sinful, they are merely differences that are annoying. Obedient Christians bear with these differences by recognizing that they are allowable because they are not sin. Those behaviors are no threat. They are just the way the other person or people do things. It does not mean that those behaviors need to be either adopted or criticized.
A situation that illustrates this challenge for parents is that another Christian’s children might get very generous allowances without the responsibility of any significant chores. But, in their own family, allowances are smaller and attached to completion of chores. When the children complain that their friends get more money or don’t have to do chores, the parents put up with their friends’ parenting difference and do not need to criticize. But, they tell their own children that in their family everyone contributes to the family functioning and happiness.
There is not a right way to do most things, even though each of us thinks so. Even doing some things the wrong way are not sinful. Yet, because we are comfortable with our way of doing things and our way of thinking about things, we get irritated with others. However, God commands us to bear with one another to preserve unity and not hinder the work of the church.
Often “bearing with” requires accepting one another, which is another Together. Two friends might enjoy fishing together, but one of them is a last-minute person who is almost always a half hour late. Putting up with the late person means accepting that he is that way and perhaps moving the time a half hour earlier so that the two friends can still show up at the lake early when fishing is best.
We need to remember that we too have things about us that are difficult for other people to handle. Our way of life is most likely irritating to many people. Think what any gathering of Christians would be like where people do not put up with differences. It surely would not honor Jesus. Therefore, Christians are to become tolerant of differences that God allows, and sometimes even designs. Anyway, it just doesn’t work well for relationships if we try to make everyone else conform to our ways.
Fortunately, Christians committed to their closest relationships find that objectionable personal habits which are annoying at first are eventually taken in stride. Once we get more comfortable with a friend’s or family member’s idiosyncracies, it becomes easier to bear with them.
However, bearing with sinful behaviors and attitudes is much more difficult. For non-sinful behaviors, it is sufficient to just accept the difference, tolerate it, and work toward not being bothered by it. When thoughts or behavior are sinful, they need to be put up with in a different way. If the behavior has been hurtful to us, forgiveness is the first priority of bearing with another person.
Bear with each other and forgive one another
if any of you has a grievance against someone.
Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
Col 3:13
if any of you has a grievance against someone.
Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
Col 3:13
God knows Christians will sometimes hurt each other because, although saved from the consequence of sin, we are still sinners not yet in heaven. Therefore, God tells us in Scripture to just put up with one another. It is as if God is saying to us, “You are all sinners. Naturally you will sin against one another. It is to be expected and can’t really be prevented. So do not make a big deal out of each other’s hurtfulness. Toughen up and let it fade away like water off a duck’s back.”
This attitude of “putting up with” allows Christians to be offended without taking offense. It keeps them from making an issue of small things. It is a “turning the other cheek” principle. Furthermore, if we compare ourselves to God’s holiness, we are only a hair’s breadth different than any other person. This should help us gain perspective so we will avoid judging and rejecting those who hurt us or act in sinful ways of which we do not approve.
It is amazing how we forget that we live in an evil world where all of us have faults, some more hurtful than others. Especially those with whom we are closest will hurt us from time to time. A husband or wife will say something critical and selfish. A child will blurt out something disrespectful to a parent. A friend will not keep a promise. This is what we should expect once in a while this side of heaven. And love through “bearing with” is the answer.
Growing spiritually to be able to bear with hurtfulness toward us and others we care about requires us to not be offended, no matter how wrong the behavior. It requires that we not wear our feelings on our sleeves, not be easily hurt by things that are or are not meant to hurt us. It requires us to accept that there is sin in the world and not complain about it. If anyone was so special that God should protect him from being treated poorly, it would have been Jesus. So, let’s get used to it! If someone hurts us, God will take care of us. We just need to deal with it in the manner God wants.
We should do our best to react only to God. This is difficult, but a worthy pursuit. If someone hurts us, we do not need to immediately react to that person. Instead, we are to react to God and find out what He wants us to do. He will guide us on how to respond, but often it will not be to protect ourselves and proclaim how we have been hurt, but to lovingly help the one who hurt us to grow in faith and loyalty to God and His ways.
We must recognize that our own behavior is hurtful sometimes. Too many of us will not admit our faults, not realizing that is an offense to God who sacrificed His Son precisely because we have faults and sin. Also, because we do not really want to be hurtful, we deny that we have been careless or tell the other that he or she is taking things too personal. We must get beyond the fear of our own sinfulness. Only then can we accept that we fall short of Christ’s perfection and bear with another’s sin while seeking an opportunity to help that person change his or her heart and behavior.
Christians are to become tolerant but not approving of the sinfulness of other Christians. Most often we put up with unacceptable behavior without acting like we have been mortally wounded or self-righteously judging in order to encourage change sometime in the near future. If we make such a big deal out of what has occurred, we stimulate defensiveness and create a threatening environment which inhibits loving confrontation.
Imagine that a person points out in a gentle way that a friend often discounts his wife’s comments in a Bible study group. That friend gets angry and tells the group member to mind his own business, that he is a stupid person whose remarks in the study are ignorant. It is very important that the person confronting not feel threatened by the resulting defensiveness, but bear with and remain calm. Since putting up with does not mean avoidance, the response can easily be, “Look, we all have things we need to change that we don’t know about. I know I do and hope that once you come to care about me, you would tell me what I might need to change. I care about your marriage, that it is enjoyable for you and your wife and that it pleases God.”
When what bothers us in other people is a sin in their lives, it is hard to help them if we cannot bear with them until they change. “Bearing with” rarely means “overlooking”, not when our friend, family member or spouse needs help in overcoming some sin. In this case it means tolerating the sin and helping the other person battle it by implementing many of the Togethers.
For example, one such Together is examining one another’s faith. In asking ourselves why our friend or family member sins in such-and-such a way, we will usually come up with his or her deficiency in faith. Since we all come somewhat short on every issue of faith, we can openly admit our own errors and expose the other’s lack of faith in a less-threatening way. But how can we do this if we stay upset with the other person’s behavior? Bearing with the objectionable sin of the person we care about allows for the careful, almost surgical, implementation of spiritual correction, healing and growth.
In the sin-infected cultures of both the secular world and the church, people can be quite impolite, even offensive. Their thinking and behavior can range from slightly obnoxious to downright evil. God, in His wisdom, requires us to bear with such sinfulness, readily forgiving, and usually offering loving help. We are still to confront wrongdoing, but we are not to let the behavior of others sway us from our peaceful walk with God or ruin peace within Christian relationships and the church.
Opportunity to Become More and More Like Jesus Christ
This attitude of “putting up with” allows Christians to be offended without taking offense. It keeps them from making an issue of small things. It is a “turning the other cheek” principle. Furthermore, if we compare ourselves to God’s holiness, we are only a hair’s breadth different than any other person. This should help us gain perspective so we will avoid judging and rejecting those who hurt us or act in sinful ways of which we do not approve.
It is amazing how we forget that we live in an evil world where all of us have faults, some more hurtful than others. Especially those with whom we are closest will hurt us from time to time. A husband or wife will say something critical and selfish. A child will blurt out something disrespectful to a parent. A friend will not keep a promise. This is what we should expect once in a while this side of heaven. And love through “bearing with” is the answer.
Growing spiritually to be able to bear with hurtfulness toward us and others we care about requires us to not be offended, no matter how wrong the behavior. It requires that we not wear our feelings on our sleeves, not be easily hurt by things that are or are not meant to hurt us. It requires us to accept that there is sin in the world and not complain about it. If anyone was so special that God should protect him from being treated poorly, it would have been Jesus. So, let’s get used to it! If someone hurts us, God will take care of us. We just need to deal with it in the manner God wants.
We should do our best to react only to God. This is difficult, but a worthy pursuit. If someone hurts us, we do not need to immediately react to that person. Instead, we are to react to God and find out what He wants us to do. He will guide us on how to respond, but often it will not be to protect ourselves and proclaim how we have been hurt, but to lovingly help the one who hurt us to grow in faith and loyalty to God and His ways.
We must recognize that our own behavior is hurtful sometimes. Too many of us will not admit our faults, not realizing that is an offense to God who sacrificed His Son precisely because we have faults and sin. Also, because we do not really want to be hurtful, we deny that we have been careless or tell the other that he or she is taking things too personal. We must get beyond the fear of our own sinfulness. Only then can we accept that we fall short of Christ’s perfection and bear with another’s sin while seeking an opportunity to help that person change his or her heart and behavior.
Christians are to become tolerant but not approving of the sinfulness of other Christians. Most often we put up with unacceptable behavior without acting like we have been mortally wounded or self-righteously judging in order to encourage change sometime in the near future. If we make such a big deal out of what has occurred, we stimulate defensiveness and create a threatening environment which inhibits loving confrontation.
Imagine that a person points out in a gentle way that a friend often discounts his wife’s comments in a Bible study group. That friend gets angry and tells the group member to mind his own business, that he is a stupid person whose remarks in the study are ignorant. It is very important that the person confronting not feel threatened by the resulting defensiveness, but bear with and remain calm. Since putting up with does not mean avoidance, the response can easily be, “Look, we all have things we need to change that we don’t know about. I know I do and hope that once you come to care about me, you would tell me what I might need to change. I care about your marriage, that it is enjoyable for you and your wife and that it pleases God.”
When what bothers us in other people is a sin in their lives, it is hard to help them if we cannot bear with them until they change. “Bearing with” rarely means “overlooking”, not when our friend, family member or spouse needs help in overcoming some sin. In this case it means tolerating the sin and helping the other person battle it by implementing many of the Togethers.
For example, one such Together is examining one another’s faith. In asking ourselves why our friend or family member sins in such-and-such a way, we will usually come up with his or her deficiency in faith. Since we all come somewhat short on every issue of faith, we can openly admit our own errors and expose the other’s lack of faith in a less-threatening way. But how can we do this if we stay upset with the other person’s behavior? Bearing with the objectionable sin of the person we care about allows for the careful, almost surgical, implementation of spiritual correction, healing and growth.
In the sin-infected cultures of both the secular world and the church, people can be quite impolite, even offensive. Their thinking and behavior can range from slightly obnoxious to downright evil. God, in His wisdom, requires us to bear with such sinfulness, readily forgiving, and usually offering loving help. We are still to confront wrongdoing, but we are not to let the behavior of others sway us from our peaceful walk with God or ruin peace within Christian relationships and the church.
Opportunity to Become More and More Like Jesus Christ
Jose befriends just about anyone who comes to his church. He has a heart for those who have gone through difficult times. He noticed Dan as a walking time bomb, one who said harsh, confrontational things to people in the Sunday school class. Dan had been through a few marriages and too many jobs because of his hurtful behavior.
Jose reached out to Dan because, even though he has come a long way in bearing with all types of people, Jose wants to keep on becoming more like Jesus. Dan really irritated Jose, and Jose saw a great opportunity to grow in the character of Christ and become even more able to put up with sinful behavior. So, Jose befriended Dan and grew in his ability to put up with Dan’s offensive behavior. Because Jose did not guard himself against Dan’s disparaging remarks, he was soon able to realize that Dan was afraid of closeness. That was why he pushed people away with harsh behavior. Learning how past hurt was the root of Dan’s offensive behavior helped Jose become tolerant. Jose is making tremendous strides in being more and more like Jesus. He even has Dan laughing about his nastiness when he humorously points it out. And, he is showing Dan that emotional closeness is not so dangerous. |
We know from Scripture that while Christ walked among sin on this earth, He bore with such things as hostility, resistance to truth, sexual impurity, greed, and many other offensive and antagonistic behaviors. He easily put up with two of his disciples wanting him to call fire down from heaven to punish those who did not give them what they wanted. (Luke 9:54) He rebuked them, but He did not reject them.
We can see how Jesus accepted differences in people, variations that were not sinful. He invited into his twelve disciples a tax collector (Levi/Matthew) and a zealot (Simon, not Peter) who would have preferred to slit the publican’s throat. He even included one of the most hurtful sinners ever, the disciple Judas Iscariot who betrayed Him.
Jesus did not reject or avoid lepers or those whose demons inside of them made their behavior particularly obnoxious. He bore with crowds who pressed in for healing with little desire to increase their faith or hear Jesus’ message. He noticed but was not offended when after healing ten lepers only one returned to thank him.
And when Jesus was mistreated, he did not consider it of much importance. By merely bearing with it, he was able to keep on course with his purpose. We, too, can put up with people’s misbehavior and stay the course God has planned for our lives.
Jesus understood that contamination of sin manifested itself in ungodly ways. He understood the dilemma people were in, whether they were fickle followers, downright enemies, or strongly devoted to Him. Therefore, He could respond with grace and mercy. We want to be able to do that too! Like Him, we want to be able to say to the Father, “Forgive them for they know not what they do.”
We can be more like Jesus if we remember where the sinful and hurtful behavior of others initially comes from. Once when Jesus was walking toward Jerusalem and His death on our behalf, Peter tried to stop Him. Even though Peter’s actions were motivated by love for Jesus, they were not from God. Nor were they essentially from Peter. Jesus knew this and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan.”
Therefore, to become continually more like Jesus in bearing with others, each month or two let’s find someone who is difficult to be around because they really rub us the wrong way or are hurtful. Then let’s allow the Holy Spirit help us feel safe in Jesus and not threatened by them. After that, let’s realize that they are either different by God’s design and/or sinful because they, like us, were born in sin caused by the devil. This will empower us to be comfortable around that type of person without judging them or putting unnecessary personal distance between us. Let’s pray that we will run into a number of people with that characteristic until we find freedom in Christ and can be peaceful inside as well as loving toward those kind of people.
Adding more and more people we can put up with calmly will increasingly change us into the likeness of Jesus. If it is hard to be so tolerant with Christians, then it might be very difficult to be tolerant in the non-Christian world where we are God’s witnesses. Intolerance ruins our love for other Christians and our witness to nonbelievers. Let’s follow Jesus who was tolerant when He ministered to sinners.
Opportunity to Worship God
We can see how Jesus accepted differences in people, variations that were not sinful. He invited into his twelve disciples a tax collector (Levi/Matthew) and a zealot (Simon, not Peter) who would have preferred to slit the publican’s throat. He even included one of the most hurtful sinners ever, the disciple Judas Iscariot who betrayed Him.
Jesus did not reject or avoid lepers or those whose demons inside of them made their behavior particularly obnoxious. He bore with crowds who pressed in for healing with little desire to increase their faith or hear Jesus’ message. He noticed but was not offended when after healing ten lepers only one returned to thank him.
And when Jesus was mistreated, he did not consider it of much importance. By merely bearing with it, he was able to keep on course with his purpose. We, too, can put up with people’s misbehavior and stay the course God has planned for our lives.
Jesus understood that contamination of sin manifested itself in ungodly ways. He understood the dilemma people were in, whether they were fickle followers, downright enemies, or strongly devoted to Him. Therefore, He could respond with grace and mercy. We want to be able to do that too! Like Him, we want to be able to say to the Father, “Forgive them for they know not what they do.”
We can be more like Jesus if we remember where the sinful and hurtful behavior of others initially comes from. Once when Jesus was walking toward Jerusalem and His death on our behalf, Peter tried to stop Him. Even though Peter’s actions were motivated by love for Jesus, they were not from God. Nor were they essentially from Peter. Jesus knew this and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan.”
Therefore, to become continually more like Jesus in bearing with others, each month or two let’s find someone who is difficult to be around because they really rub us the wrong way or are hurtful. Then let’s allow the Holy Spirit help us feel safe in Jesus and not threatened by them. After that, let’s realize that they are either different by God’s design and/or sinful because they, like us, were born in sin caused by the devil. This will empower us to be comfortable around that type of person without judging them or putting unnecessary personal distance between us. Let’s pray that we will run into a number of people with that characteristic until we find freedom in Christ and can be peaceful inside as well as loving toward those kind of people.
Adding more and more people we can put up with calmly will increasingly change us into the likeness of Jesus. If it is hard to be so tolerant with Christians, then it might be very difficult to be tolerant in the non-Christian world where we are God’s witnesses. Intolerance ruins our love for other Christians and our witness to nonbelievers. Let’s follow Jesus who was tolerant when He ministered to sinners.
Opportunity to Worship God
God watched as Amber struggled with her attitude toward her father-in-law. He was self-centered and negative about the way she did things. She did not think of him as a person with bad behavior, but as a bad person. She lacked patience and judged him. Most anyone married to his son would have found Jerry obnoxious and avoided him at all costs.
But, Amber wanted to be more like Jesus. She knew that Jesus would put up with Jerry, so she worked at understanding why her father-in-law was the way he was. Amber brought her husband and her closest friend in to advise her. Eventually she did not react to her father-in-law’s objectionable behavior and even called him once in a while to see how his day was going. In seeing Jesus come out of Amber through her behavior, God felt worshiped. She was reflecting His own tolerance of and love for people, all of whom are somewhat offensive to Him. |
God has given us through His Spirit the gracious ability to put up with one another. Since God similarly bears with our sinfulness, we worship God by reflecting back to Him his own character when we overlook another’s different ways or hurtfulness.
Jesus did not react to people’s indifference to him and what he had to say. In crowds our Lord would say, “Let those with ears hear ...”, indicating that he knew many were not going to give any thought to what he had to tell them. Yet, he spoke for their benefit anyway. Can we worship God by speaking helpfully and not reacting when others don’t listen like we want them to?
With regard to the strange ways and non-sinful irritating habits of other Christians, it helps to remember that God has created them with their basic personalities and allowed the difficulties thrown at them by the devil for His purposes . This should help us patiently put up with them. To reject or unreasonably distance ourselves from people who are different is to insult God, both His creation of those people and His providential oversight of their lives.
When we can tolerate and then enjoy people with whom we were once uncomfortable and sometimes judged, we worship God who loves them and enjoys them for their distinctiveness. There are so many people with different ways than us that there are endless opportunities to worship God in new ways by growing in “bearing with” through the power of the indwelling Holy Spirit.
With regard to those Christians who act sinfully, perhaps hurting others, we should keep in mind the most horrible things we have done that God put up with in our pasts. That should help us to not think it too great a sacrifice to put up with others when they hurt us. This is the way to return curses with blessings. This is the way to keep calm when someone is trying to make us feel bad.
Putting up with others who sin and hurt others or the reputation of the church over and over again opens up another avenue to worship God, this time with the addition of a bit more suffering. Those we run into who are harsh or judgmental are most likely hurting others who are trapped in relationship with them. With these unkind people, we can be like God who bears with every one of His sinning people to help them change.
That man who hurts us with his talk may be married to someone he has hurt similarly for years. He may have children that he demeans, inhibiting their success. That woman who hurts with her words may have a husband and kids she hurts verbally. Most likely, God wants us to bear with such people to help them change because God loves the spouse and children and wants something better for them. In such a case, we need to take up the challenge of putting up with the person and seek the help God provides through the Holy Spirit and those in our Christian Inner Circles who influence us.
Perhaps that sinful person is at our place of employment and we see others being hurt by his or her sinfulness. If the insulting or brash or hurtful person at work is a Christian, it will be obvious why we and other Christians in that workplace must help. He or she needs to stop giving God and us a bad name. Bearing with the behavior and then implementing many applicable Togethers for corrective action will be a part of our deeper worship. We will be like God who does not just sit back and bear with, but goes on to help His people change.
If the person at work is not a believer, we have less responsibility, but patiently putting up with him or her may show others how to also not be hurt or take the offensive person’s behavior personally, even if it is personal in nature. Forbid that we, whose security is in Christ, would be greatly affected by that person’s attacks or rudeness or other hurtful or disgusting behavior. When it does not affect us and we can keep on putting up with the objectionable behavior, we also worship God by trusting Him for our safety, self-image, and reputation.
For many of us, knowing that bearing with another person’s objectionable behavior is worship will make it easier to do. Hopefully, we want to worship more than we want to be right or feel superior to another.
It seems that the more difficult it is to put up with a person, the greater worship it can produce. Let’s not be so addicted to easy, even fun, worship that we overlook these opportunities to show the Lord that we love Him beyond our comfort zone. This Together of bearing with one another is a fantastic way to intensify our worship.
How Used in Battle to Defeat Evil and Satan
Jesus did not react to people’s indifference to him and what he had to say. In crowds our Lord would say, “Let those with ears hear ...”, indicating that he knew many were not going to give any thought to what he had to tell them. Yet, he spoke for their benefit anyway. Can we worship God by speaking helpfully and not reacting when others don’t listen like we want them to?
With regard to the strange ways and non-sinful irritating habits of other Christians, it helps to remember that God has created them with their basic personalities and allowed the difficulties thrown at them by the devil for His purposes . This should help us patiently put up with them. To reject or unreasonably distance ourselves from people who are different is to insult God, both His creation of those people and His providential oversight of their lives.
When we can tolerate and then enjoy people with whom we were once uncomfortable and sometimes judged, we worship God who loves them and enjoys them for their distinctiveness. There are so many people with different ways than us that there are endless opportunities to worship God in new ways by growing in “bearing with” through the power of the indwelling Holy Spirit.
With regard to those Christians who act sinfully, perhaps hurting others, we should keep in mind the most horrible things we have done that God put up with in our pasts. That should help us to not think it too great a sacrifice to put up with others when they hurt us. This is the way to return curses with blessings. This is the way to keep calm when someone is trying to make us feel bad.
Putting up with others who sin and hurt others or the reputation of the church over and over again opens up another avenue to worship God, this time with the addition of a bit more suffering. Those we run into who are harsh or judgmental are most likely hurting others who are trapped in relationship with them. With these unkind people, we can be like God who bears with every one of His sinning people to help them change.
That man who hurts us with his talk may be married to someone he has hurt similarly for years. He may have children that he demeans, inhibiting their success. That woman who hurts with her words may have a husband and kids she hurts verbally. Most likely, God wants us to bear with such people to help them change because God loves the spouse and children and wants something better for them. In such a case, we need to take up the challenge of putting up with the person and seek the help God provides through the Holy Spirit and those in our Christian Inner Circles who influence us.
Perhaps that sinful person is at our place of employment and we see others being hurt by his or her sinfulness. If the insulting or brash or hurtful person at work is a Christian, it will be obvious why we and other Christians in that workplace must help. He or she needs to stop giving God and us a bad name. Bearing with the behavior and then implementing many applicable Togethers for corrective action will be a part of our deeper worship. We will be like God who does not just sit back and bear with, but goes on to help His people change.
If the person at work is not a believer, we have less responsibility, but patiently putting up with him or her may show others how to also not be hurt or take the offensive person’s behavior personally, even if it is personal in nature. Forbid that we, whose security is in Christ, would be greatly affected by that person’s attacks or rudeness or other hurtful or disgusting behavior. When it does not affect us and we can keep on putting up with the objectionable behavior, we also worship God by trusting Him for our safety, self-image, and reputation.
For many of us, knowing that bearing with another person’s objectionable behavior is worship will make it easier to do. Hopefully, we want to worship more than we want to be right or feel superior to another.
It seems that the more difficult it is to put up with a person, the greater worship it can produce. Let’s not be so addicted to easy, even fun, worship that we overlook these opportunities to show the Lord that we love Him beyond our comfort zone. This Together of bearing with one another is a fantastic way to intensify our worship.
How Used in Battle to Defeat Evil and Satan
When many years ago I (Dick Wulf) had to fire a counselor and a psychologist for extremely unprofessional behavior, they went around the city to the heads of other social agencies and told lies about my administrative ability. I bore with the pain, stayed secure in Jesus and did not defend myself. As second in command of a large community mental health center, I was quite vulnerable. But, later many came to me and commented how impressed they were that I had not reacted or taken revenge. At least one important administrator saw this and told me that it influenced him to accept Christ.
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This Together of putting up with hurtful people is a strong weapon necessary to fight evil and defeat the devil. Being secure in God’s love to the extent that evil behavior of others has little or no effect on our response makes us a powerful tool for God’s use against evil. We are free to react lovingly rather than defensively because we can bear with evil without letting it get us off the track of seeking the good of others for God’s glory.
Bearing with others who treat us hurtfully is a great witness to those outside of the faith. Simply bearing with people’s different behavior is also easily done by unbelievers, but putting up with hurt is not something most of them can do graciously. They may be too fearful and timidly endure hurtful behavior toward them or they may strike back. But we do not put up with such actions out of fear or act with revenge. In a sense, we are untouchable because, whatever hurtful people say or do, there is only one Voice that truly matters to us.
Bearing with others who treat us hurtfully is a great witness to those outside of the faith. Simply bearing with people’s different behavior is also easily done by unbelievers, but putting up with hurt is not something most of them can do graciously. They may be too fearful and timidly endure hurtful behavior toward them or they may strike back. But we do not put up with such actions out of fear or act with revenge. In a sense, we are untouchable because, whatever hurtful people say or do, there is only one Voice that truly matters to us.
If God is for us, who can be against us?
Rom 8:31
Rom 8:31
Some unbelievers can tolerate anything and anybody, because they are so broad-minded. When we bear with others, no matter if they chew with their mouths open or are embezzlers, we do so because we look past the behavior to the person God loves. Armed with the spiritual ability to bear with sinners, we go further than toleration. We love others with God’s love.
Not bearing with one another is one of the biggest dangers to good relationships with friends and family. Being irritated with one another, judging one another, or trying to force our way onto others inhibits much of the self-denying love of the Bible. This lack of putting up with friends, family members and spouses weakens these most cherished relationships and powerful working units of the church.
Since Christian friendships can be so very powerful for the work of God, it is critical that “bearing with” be a top priority. An effective ministry team made up of friends usually consists of two very different people. The beginning of such a friendship requires a period of growing understanding. When an acquaintance and I joined as business partner friends to put out a youth discipleship program in game form (DragonRaid, 1983), we first had to sit in the cab of his pickup and yell at each other. (With more maturity 30+ years later, I would hope we could handle it a little more calmly.) But that was the start of a very close friendship and working relationship that God used to bring many young people to Christ and discipled even many more. We had conquered understanding each other and, after putting up with the other’s different way of seeing things and communicating, it became automatic to respond to one another in love.
Families that do not let members be themselves and do not bear with their differences create oppressive environments that usually lead to problems. So, the Christian family that wants to live for Christ will accept each person’s design. They will put up with one another until everyone in the family can serve God in unity with harmony, everyone’s differences working together for God’s good.
Perhaps husbands and wives have the hardest task in obeying God’s command to bear with one another. Living together so much of the time, trying to manage kids and household, and being hurt more frequently by each other’s shortcomings and sins makes marriage one of the greatest training grounds for becoming like Jesus. There is usually a long learning curve in understanding one another to the point of bearing with one another well. The length and permanency of marriage allows the time to do this. A marriage that can implement putting up with one another so that the other Togethers can be patiently applied makes one of the strongest unions possible.
According to some research, my wife Jean and I have the most difficult combination of personalities according to the Myers-Briggs Type Inventory. In fact, after 52 years of marriage we still cannot easily understand what the other is saying. This is because God created us to each perceive the world differently. Jean views things by her senses, as do most people. I see them through intuition, by their meanings and relationships. For the first years of our lives we were often quite frustrated and angry with each other. Dedicated to the Lord and decidedly in love with each other, in time we learned to understand our different way of viewing life and saying things. This led to acceptance and being able to bear with each other. As a result of this ability to put up with our differences, our marriage is stronger than if we had an easy relationship not requiring such strong love and commitment.
Within church relationships, being able to stay calm and unruffled when someone wrongly accuses us of something allows us to be like God who said in Isaiah 1:18, “Come now, let us reason together.” Bearing with one another will allow us to implement the wisdom of Proverbs 15:1: “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
The church can really be hampered in bringing glory to God and doing His work by interpersonal conflicts that never get resolved. Church members grow to be so worried about the reactions of others that they hold back from becoming involved in the work of the church. Any fellowship needs to see that its members continually grow in their ability to put up with differences and mistreatment and stay peaceful inside. Then people will risk themselves more in bold ministry for the sake of Jesus Christ.
In the secular world, Christians who stay calm and are unafraid of the potential or actual hurtfulness of others will be noticed. Not only will they stand out as having strength from something, or Someone in our case, they will stand out as people who can speak out against evil in effective ways. They will be able to speak with the powerful on behalf of the weak. They will be unafraid to stand up for justice and righteousness. When necessary, they will be able to stand up under persecution.
There are innumerable places all around us where Satan has a foothold through hurtful people. In such situations, Christians with great ability to put up with hurt without losing their sense of security in Jesus are needed to march against the gates of hell.
How in the Sinful Environment this Together Prepares Us for Heaven
Not bearing with one another is one of the biggest dangers to good relationships with friends and family. Being irritated with one another, judging one another, or trying to force our way onto others inhibits much of the self-denying love of the Bible. This lack of putting up with friends, family members and spouses weakens these most cherished relationships and powerful working units of the church.
Since Christian friendships can be so very powerful for the work of God, it is critical that “bearing with” be a top priority. An effective ministry team made up of friends usually consists of two very different people. The beginning of such a friendship requires a period of growing understanding. When an acquaintance and I joined as business partner friends to put out a youth discipleship program in game form (DragonRaid, 1983), we first had to sit in the cab of his pickup and yell at each other. (With more maturity 30+ years later, I would hope we could handle it a little more calmly.) But that was the start of a very close friendship and working relationship that God used to bring many young people to Christ and discipled even many more. We had conquered understanding each other and, after putting up with the other’s different way of seeing things and communicating, it became automatic to respond to one another in love.
Families that do not let members be themselves and do not bear with their differences create oppressive environments that usually lead to problems. So, the Christian family that wants to live for Christ will accept each person’s design. They will put up with one another until everyone in the family can serve God in unity with harmony, everyone’s differences working together for God’s good.
Perhaps husbands and wives have the hardest task in obeying God’s command to bear with one another. Living together so much of the time, trying to manage kids and household, and being hurt more frequently by each other’s shortcomings and sins makes marriage one of the greatest training grounds for becoming like Jesus. There is usually a long learning curve in understanding one another to the point of bearing with one another well. The length and permanency of marriage allows the time to do this. A marriage that can implement putting up with one another so that the other Togethers can be patiently applied makes one of the strongest unions possible.
According to some research, my wife Jean and I have the most difficult combination of personalities according to the Myers-Briggs Type Inventory. In fact, after 52 years of marriage we still cannot easily understand what the other is saying. This is because God created us to each perceive the world differently. Jean views things by her senses, as do most people. I see them through intuition, by their meanings and relationships. For the first years of our lives we were often quite frustrated and angry with each other. Dedicated to the Lord and decidedly in love with each other, in time we learned to understand our different way of viewing life and saying things. This led to acceptance and being able to bear with each other. As a result of this ability to put up with our differences, our marriage is stronger than if we had an easy relationship not requiring such strong love and commitment.
Within church relationships, being able to stay calm and unruffled when someone wrongly accuses us of something allows us to be like God who said in Isaiah 1:18, “Come now, let us reason together.” Bearing with one another will allow us to implement the wisdom of Proverbs 15:1: “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
The church can really be hampered in bringing glory to God and doing His work by interpersonal conflicts that never get resolved. Church members grow to be so worried about the reactions of others that they hold back from becoming involved in the work of the church. Any fellowship needs to see that its members continually grow in their ability to put up with differences and mistreatment and stay peaceful inside. Then people will risk themselves more in bold ministry for the sake of Jesus Christ.
In the secular world, Christians who stay calm and are unafraid of the potential or actual hurtfulness of others will be noticed. Not only will they stand out as having strength from something, or Someone in our case, they will stand out as people who can speak out against evil in effective ways. They will be able to speak with the powerful on behalf of the weak. They will be unafraid to stand up for justice and righteousness. When necessary, they will be able to stand up under persecution.
There are innumerable places all around us where Satan has a foothold through hurtful people. In such situations, Christians with great ability to put up with hurt without losing their sense of security in Jesus are needed to march against the gates of hell.
How in the Sinful Environment this Together Prepares Us for Heaven
Pam worked in a Christian ministry. She left a secular job because she was intimidated by the backstabbing and political climbing that was so hurtful. But, while not as ruthless, Pam was dismayed to find similar behavior in the new Christian organization. She came to realize that the ministry was Christian in purpose but the work environment was not sufficiently guided by biblical teachings regarding relationships.
Pam had no choice but to toughen up. There was no “Christian haven”, even though the ministry could certainly do a whole lot more to make the working environment more biblical and loving. Pam’s ability to put up with unloving behavior grew as she placed her peace and security in God rather than requiring a pleasant environment where everyone treated her decently. Pam came to like the “strong new Pam” and realized that she was closer to God and had found great peace in that improved relationship. The hurtfulness of the Christian world no longer scared her. As a result, God could call Pam back into the more challenging culture of secular work. (He had people there He wanted to meet through the now calm and stable Pam.) Her new job was just as bad as her previous jobs, but Pam was able to bear with other people’s words and behavior and be a calm presence there because she had vested her security not in how people treated her, but how God protected her. This internal strength, unknown to Pam, would prepare her to greatly appreciate God’s love for her in heaven, a degree of trust and appreciation that could only be gained in the midst of difficult and hurtful relationships. In heaven Pam would have a deep attitude of “all is well and has been since before death.” |
What is the use of bearing with sinful people, especially Christians, if in heaven there is no need to put up with hurtful behavior? What is the value of learning not to be offended, if in heaven we won’t even have the possibility of being offended?
It is not the spiritual ability to put up with hurtful behavior that will be so useful for life after death, but what is spiritually gained in the process of growing to bear with others more and more.
Some exciting things are possible in heaven if we grow in our ability to bear with others on this side of death. (1) We will have greater capacity to appreciate God and His grace. (2) We will enjoy the safety and peace of heaven more. (3) We will be better able to appreciate and enjoy different kinds of people. (4) We will be less hesitant about entering into new relationships with the other citizens of heaven.
First, in bearing with sinful words and behaviors before death, we will enter heaven more aware of how we do not deserve to be there. Bearing with others will require us to better sense our own sinfulness. Otherwise, we will continue to think of ourselves as more righteous than we really are and not be able to put up with sinful people.
It is easy to feel deserving of heaven if we compare ourselves to despicable people. But, if instead we compare ourselves to the absolute purity of God and the complete sinlessness of Jesus, we will not look at all deserving of living in God’s home. Putting up with more and more people who sin differently and annoyingly will require this more realistic view of our own sinfulness. Then, we will awake to and acknowledge how forgiving and generous is God to invite us into relationship with Him and to live forever in His home.
Every one of us will enter heaven with overwhelming appreciation that we are there. Yet, our joy will be proportional to how deeply we know that we do not deserve to be there in the first place. How much we acknowledged our impurity before death in order to put up with the sinfulness of others will determine how much we understand we are in heaven only by the grace of God.
Those who did not grow in their ability to bear with others will feel fortunate to be in heaven, but with less intensity. On a 1 to 10 scale, they may be a 3 and others at level 8. (Like playing a video game, those on level 3 will be enjoying themselves and those on level 8 will be enjoying that level. Neither will be unhappy, but their quality of gaming will be different.)
Imagine winning a two-week vacation at a luxurious resort we could never afford. We would appreciate being there more than would a billionaire because we knew we could not have gotten to such a wonderful place on our own. Acknowledging that we are sinful in order to be gracious to those who hurt us will make us aware that we do not deserve heaven and could not get there on our own. Once in heaven, we will appreciate God’s grace and his wonderful home like that imaginary resort we could never afford, but a million times more.
Second, we will enjoy the safety and peace of heaven more if we have not avoided hurtful people. Bearing with them will bring us pain. But, it will be in the service of our Lord and worth every misery when we arrive in heaven. We will immediately and forever notice the absence of hurtful people and enjoy the safety immensely.
Imagine now being extremely poor and living in a dangerous neighborhood. Then a distant uncle dies and leaves us his beautiful estate in the country. Once we move there, we would begin feeling that strange sensation of safety. No gangs to be afraid of. The prior danger would be necessary for us to feel the safety so strongly. Likewise, heaven will feel really safe if we now hang in there with difficult people rather than judging them, avoiding them, rejecting them or abandoning them. Having found our safety in Christ to be able to risk being around some of the more threatening people who cross our paths will help us when in heaven we look back and appreciate the safety God provided for us that is no longer necessary in heaven.
Third, we will be better able to appreciate and enjoy different kinds of people if we have grown more and more to bear with people different than us with ways that make us uncomfortable. In heaven will be all kinds of people, each with their different cultures and mannerisms. The variety will be wonderful to those who learned to enjoy many kinds of people before death.
If it is hard to be tolerant with Christians now, it will be less possible to appreciate people in heaven. In time, we will all grow to appreciate the majority of citizens in heaven who are radically different from us. But, those of us who before entering heaven put up with people until we learned to appreciate them against the pressure of sin to be judgmental will have developed strong skill for joy in relationships with the very different types of people of heaven.
Consider how we may meet a person in church who was once a member of a drug gang. We appreciate him. But, if we had known him when he was selling drugs and put up with him until he came to Christ, we will be able to appreciate him even more so in the church aisles. Having seen the hard journey to faith he traveled will give us a more complete picture of who he is. Many in heaven will have come out of sinful situations. We will truly appreciate them only if we learned to do so when sin was present. This will enable better relationships with such persons for all eternity.
Fourth, we will be less hesitant about entering into new relationships with other citizens of heaven. If we bear with and not run from hurtful relationships, in heaven we will be less hesitant to jump into the new and wonderful unhurtful relationships possible there. Even though there will be no hurtful relationships in heaven, those who were timid and avoided different people and sinful people will have a natural hesitancy to approach people and begin a relationship.
Just think about how scared a person is to begin dating after a hurtful marriage and divorce. Perhaps such a person married a violent person she or he met at a bar. Now, meeting people to date at church is more frightening than it should be, even though caution is still required. Or imagine a person visiting a large city and being mugged. It might take a while in the busy areas of the New Jerusalem in heaven for such a person to get over the jitters.
These four benefits for heaven of bearing with people’s irritating and horrible behaviors should make us more than ready to allow the Holy Spirit to empower us to grow our spirits to be able to bear with all kinds of people. For maximum benefit, we better do it now while we live among wrongdoing, wrong thinking, and wrong values in a sinful environment. We will not be able to do it in heaven and receive all of these benefits for eternity.
Those who took for granted that they were going to heaven and did not look to see just how much they did not deserve it will have joy to the full of their capacity. But it will be less joyful than possessed by others. They will realize that others put up with hurtful people by realizing that they were not a whole lot better. They will know that they did not. Without envy in heaven, they will recognize their lesser appreciation for being in heaven, and this will allow them to be happy and content. Being sinless, they will want things to be fair.
If we want that higher appreciation and joy of being in heaven for eternity, we must put up with more and more types of people who hurt us or others. If we put up with them by recognizing that we are not that much better, if at all, then our spirits will be much more grateful now and later in heaven.
This is not as mysterious as it might seem. Some of us now sense God’s grace more than other Christians. Some of us just have intellectual knowledge that we are recipients of God’s grace. At the other extreme, some of us experience God’s grace with joy almost constantly for everything good that happens in our lives. If we live understanding that God is being far more generous to us than we deserve, we will be consistently conscious of His grace.
Heightened sensitivity to God’s unmerited goodness comes from an awareness that the good things in our lives are not deserved or earned. We live in a sin-contaminated world. Every time we return from somewhere safely without being in a car accident or not mugged on the street, we are recipients of God’s loving grace. Since God grants such grace to believers and unbelievers, we do not see it as special. But, special it is.
How thankful are we at the end of the day for being given good things from God while the world is attempting to give us grief? Do we go to sleep grateful? We can increase our appreciation of God’s grace and our eternal inheritance if we work on our sanctification by being increasingly able to bear with others. This is because it will require that we grasp that we are not so much more without sin than those we used to look down upon. We will be acutely aware that we are not entitled to good things from God, but that we receive them from God out of His loving gracefulness toward us.
What is our internal reaction to people who are down-and-out, such as homeless or mentally ill people? Are we judgmental or do we think, “There but for the grace of God go I.”? Are we critical of them or pray for their well-being? Our answers to these questions will give us an idea of how much joy we might have in heaven after death. If we come up short, one of the things we can do is let God change our spirits to bear with others in increasing measure.
Bearing with Christians where our expectations for their good behavior is higher than they deliver allows Jesus to live in us. Putting up with fellow sinners is not so hard because everyone, including ourselves, sins. All of us fall short of God’s purity. Bearing with one another helps us to more clearly see God reaching down to us to give Himself and heaven out of love. This should fill us with amazing joy.
How this Together Can Make it Really Good in Heaven
It is not the spiritual ability to put up with hurtful behavior that will be so useful for life after death, but what is spiritually gained in the process of growing to bear with others more and more.
Some exciting things are possible in heaven if we grow in our ability to bear with others on this side of death. (1) We will have greater capacity to appreciate God and His grace. (2) We will enjoy the safety and peace of heaven more. (3) We will be better able to appreciate and enjoy different kinds of people. (4) We will be less hesitant about entering into new relationships with the other citizens of heaven.
First, in bearing with sinful words and behaviors before death, we will enter heaven more aware of how we do not deserve to be there. Bearing with others will require us to better sense our own sinfulness. Otherwise, we will continue to think of ourselves as more righteous than we really are and not be able to put up with sinful people.
It is easy to feel deserving of heaven if we compare ourselves to despicable people. But, if instead we compare ourselves to the absolute purity of God and the complete sinlessness of Jesus, we will not look at all deserving of living in God’s home. Putting up with more and more people who sin differently and annoyingly will require this more realistic view of our own sinfulness. Then, we will awake to and acknowledge how forgiving and generous is God to invite us into relationship with Him and to live forever in His home.
Every one of us will enter heaven with overwhelming appreciation that we are there. Yet, our joy will be proportional to how deeply we know that we do not deserve to be there in the first place. How much we acknowledged our impurity before death in order to put up with the sinfulness of others will determine how much we understand we are in heaven only by the grace of God.
Those who did not grow in their ability to bear with others will feel fortunate to be in heaven, but with less intensity. On a 1 to 10 scale, they may be a 3 and others at level 8. (Like playing a video game, those on level 3 will be enjoying themselves and those on level 8 will be enjoying that level. Neither will be unhappy, but their quality of gaming will be different.)
Imagine winning a two-week vacation at a luxurious resort we could never afford. We would appreciate being there more than would a billionaire because we knew we could not have gotten to such a wonderful place on our own. Acknowledging that we are sinful in order to be gracious to those who hurt us will make us aware that we do not deserve heaven and could not get there on our own. Once in heaven, we will appreciate God’s grace and his wonderful home like that imaginary resort we could never afford, but a million times more.
Second, we will enjoy the safety and peace of heaven more if we have not avoided hurtful people. Bearing with them will bring us pain. But, it will be in the service of our Lord and worth every misery when we arrive in heaven. We will immediately and forever notice the absence of hurtful people and enjoy the safety immensely.
Imagine now being extremely poor and living in a dangerous neighborhood. Then a distant uncle dies and leaves us his beautiful estate in the country. Once we move there, we would begin feeling that strange sensation of safety. No gangs to be afraid of. The prior danger would be necessary for us to feel the safety so strongly. Likewise, heaven will feel really safe if we now hang in there with difficult people rather than judging them, avoiding them, rejecting them or abandoning them. Having found our safety in Christ to be able to risk being around some of the more threatening people who cross our paths will help us when in heaven we look back and appreciate the safety God provided for us that is no longer necessary in heaven.
Third, we will be better able to appreciate and enjoy different kinds of people if we have grown more and more to bear with people different than us with ways that make us uncomfortable. In heaven will be all kinds of people, each with their different cultures and mannerisms. The variety will be wonderful to those who learned to enjoy many kinds of people before death.
If it is hard to be tolerant with Christians now, it will be less possible to appreciate people in heaven. In time, we will all grow to appreciate the majority of citizens in heaven who are radically different from us. But, those of us who before entering heaven put up with people until we learned to appreciate them against the pressure of sin to be judgmental will have developed strong skill for joy in relationships with the very different types of people of heaven.
Consider how we may meet a person in church who was once a member of a drug gang. We appreciate him. But, if we had known him when he was selling drugs and put up with him until he came to Christ, we will be able to appreciate him even more so in the church aisles. Having seen the hard journey to faith he traveled will give us a more complete picture of who he is. Many in heaven will have come out of sinful situations. We will truly appreciate them only if we learned to do so when sin was present. This will enable better relationships with such persons for all eternity.
Fourth, we will be less hesitant about entering into new relationships with other citizens of heaven. If we bear with and not run from hurtful relationships, in heaven we will be less hesitant to jump into the new and wonderful unhurtful relationships possible there. Even though there will be no hurtful relationships in heaven, those who were timid and avoided different people and sinful people will have a natural hesitancy to approach people and begin a relationship.
Just think about how scared a person is to begin dating after a hurtful marriage and divorce. Perhaps such a person married a violent person she or he met at a bar. Now, meeting people to date at church is more frightening than it should be, even though caution is still required. Or imagine a person visiting a large city and being mugged. It might take a while in the busy areas of the New Jerusalem in heaven for such a person to get over the jitters.
These four benefits for heaven of bearing with people’s irritating and horrible behaviors should make us more than ready to allow the Holy Spirit to empower us to grow our spirits to be able to bear with all kinds of people. For maximum benefit, we better do it now while we live among wrongdoing, wrong thinking, and wrong values in a sinful environment. We will not be able to do it in heaven and receive all of these benefits for eternity.
Those who took for granted that they were going to heaven and did not look to see just how much they did not deserve it will have joy to the full of their capacity. But it will be less joyful than possessed by others. They will realize that others put up with hurtful people by realizing that they were not a whole lot better. They will know that they did not. Without envy in heaven, they will recognize their lesser appreciation for being in heaven, and this will allow them to be happy and content. Being sinless, they will want things to be fair.
If we want that higher appreciation and joy of being in heaven for eternity, we must put up with more and more types of people who hurt us or others. If we put up with them by recognizing that we are not that much better, if at all, then our spirits will be much more grateful now and later in heaven.
This is not as mysterious as it might seem. Some of us now sense God’s grace more than other Christians. Some of us just have intellectual knowledge that we are recipients of God’s grace. At the other extreme, some of us experience God’s grace with joy almost constantly for everything good that happens in our lives. If we live understanding that God is being far more generous to us than we deserve, we will be consistently conscious of His grace.
Heightened sensitivity to God’s unmerited goodness comes from an awareness that the good things in our lives are not deserved or earned. We live in a sin-contaminated world. Every time we return from somewhere safely without being in a car accident or not mugged on the street, we are recipients of God’s loving grace. Since God grants such grace to believers and unbelievers, we do not see it as special. But, special it is.
How thankful are we at the end of the day for being given good things from God while the world is attempting to give us grief? Do we go to sleep grateful? We can increase our appreciation of God’s grace and our eternal inheritance if we work on our sanctification by being increasingly able to bear with others. This is because it will require that we grasp that we are not so much more without sin than those we used to look down upon. We will be acutely aware that we are not entitled to good things from God, but that we receive them from God out of His loving gracefulness toward us.
What is our internal reaction to people who are down-and-out, such as homeless or mentally ill people? Are we judgmental or do we think, “There but for the grace of God go I.”? Are we critical of them or pray for their well-being? Our answers to these questions will give us an idea of how much joy we might have in heaven after death. If we come up short, one of the things we can do is let God change our spirits to bear with others in increasing measure.
Bearing with Christians where our expectations for their good behavior is higher than they deliver allows Jesus to live in us. Putting up with fellow sinners is not so hard because everyone, including ourselves, sins. All of us fall short of God’s purity. Bearing with one another helps us to more clearly see God reaching down to us to give Himself and heaven out of love. This should fill us with amazing joy.
How this Together Can Make it Really Good in Heaven
Marlene came to heaven with solid progress in bearing with the hurtfulness of others. Although agreeing intellectually with her praise of God for reaching down and rescuing scoundrels, many in heaven do not seem to truly connect with her words and heart. Thus, Marlene feels something missing when the topic of God’s grace comes up.
Fortunately, Marlene has found two new friends who seem to be at the same level of joyful, excited appreciation for God’s forgiveness of those citizens in heaven who did really bad things before coming to Jesus and into the kingdom. She truly enjoys her time with these who experience the same level of joy for God’s loving grace. |
We will soon live in heaven where we will never have to bear with someone hurting us ever again. And, the need for this Together will cease. Imagine how good it will be for no one to ever say hurtful things or act in harmful ways. We will all enjoy absolute safety.
We will also be living in heaven with all sorts of interesting people. There will be people from every nation. Presently there are over 200 countries. Within those countries are many different cultures, each with their distinctive customs. This amounts to well over a thousand different kinds of people. Not counting people God brought to Himself before Jesus died on the cross, it is an understatement to say that in twenty centuries there will be well over 20,000 different sorts of people, not even counting variations in gender and personality.
These will all be God’s people. We will all be brothers and sisters in Christ. We will all be serving God with joy. And, we will all have stories to tell one another about God’s grace and provision and deliverance in our lives before death when we lived in fallen societies. With forever before us in heaven, how many stories do we want to hear? And, at what level do we want to understand? How much comradery with these millions do we desire?
Once we arrive in heaven, our spirits can grow in the ability to appreciate the differences in others. But, we can arrive with spiritual vitality to already have a high level of appreciation of people different from ourselves. That is, if we have grown in the ability to put up with and accept others when sin coaxed us to avoid those different from us and those with whom we felt discomfort. The two Togethers of Bear With One Another and Accept One Another will have gone hand-in-hand to mold our spirits more into conformity with Jesus’ spirit. Our Lord died for all who would believe, even some who did the most horrible things. He has invited despicable people into relationship with Him. He does not approve of their behavior but He accepts them as made in God’s image and lovable nonetheless.
Deep within our spirits we want to arrive in heaven more like Jesus and jump right into meeting all of the different kinds of people. We will no longer fear of them, so discomfort will have disappeared. But, will we have the skills to approach and converse with them if we have spent our whole lives avoiding them before death? Perhaps we can understand soon enough to begin bearing with more and more types of people now so that we will be more able to access heaven’s opportunities for friendships and stories of praise.
And then imagine having a greater capacity to appreciate God and His grace when we enter heaven. God has given us a really wonderful Home. Our Lord Jesus has purchased our salvation by his gracious death on the cross. God raised Christ from the grave. What gifts! God to be our God. Jesus to be our Savior, Lord and Friend. The Holy Spirit to guide us. And heaven to be our eternal Home. Hallelujah!
We will also be living in heaven with all sorts of interesting people. There will be people from every nation. Presently there are over 200 countries. Within those countries are many different cultures, each with their distinctive customs. This amounts to well over a thousand different kinds of people. Not counting people God brought to Himself before Jesus died on the cross, it is an understatement to say that in twenty centuries there will be well over 20,000 different sorts of people, not even counting variations in gender and personality.
These will all be God’s people. We will all be brothers and sisters in Christ. We will all be serving God with joy. And, we will all have stories to tell one another about God’s grace and provision and deliverance in our lives before death when we lived in fallen societies. With forever before us in heaven, how many stories do we want to hear? And, at what level do we want to understand? How much comradery with these millions do we desire?
Once we arrive in heaven, our spirits can grow in the ability to appreciate the differences in others. But, we can arrive with spiritual vitality to already have a high level of appreciation of people different from ourselves. That is, if we have grown in the ability to put up with and accept others when sin coaxed us to avoid those different from us and those with whom we felt discomfort. The two Togethers of Bear With One Another and Accept One Another will have gone hand-in-hand to mold our spirits more into conformity with Jesus’ spirit. Our Lord died for all who would believe, even some who did the most horrible things. He has invited despicable people into relationship with Him. He does not approve of their behavior but He accepts them as made in God’s image and lovable nonetheless.
Deep within our spirits we want to arrive in heaven more like Jesus and jump right into meeting all of the different kinds of people. We will no longer fear of them, so discomfort will have disappeared. But, will we have the skills to approach and converse with them if we have spent our whole lives avoiding them before death? Perhaps we can understand soon enough to begin bearing with more and more types of people now so that we will be more able to access heaven’s opportunities for friendships and stories of praise.
And then imagine having a greater capacity to appreciate God and His grace when we enter heaven. God has given us a really wonderful Home. Our Lord Jesus has purchased our salvation by his gracious death on the cross. God raised Christ from the grave. What gifts! God to be our God. Jesus to be our Savior, Lord and Friend. The Holy Spirit to guide us. And heaven to be our eternal Home. Hallelujah!
But our citizenship is in heaven.
And we eagerly await a Savior from there,
the Lord Jesus Christ,
who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control,
will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.
Phil 3:20-21
And we eagerly await a Savior from there,
the Lord Jesus Christ,
who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control,
will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.
Phil 3:20-21
We will all be thrilled to be in heaven, but some of us will experience more thrill than others. This concept of different levels is evident all around us. People at a Fourth of July parade enjoy it at different intensities. Some people rave at a good hamburger while others at the restaurant consider it just food. Therefore, it makes sense that those of us who have a greater appreciation for being so loved by God as to be allowed into heaven, will have a higher level of joy.
It will also be wonderful to live in a society where everyone realizes how fortunate they are to be in heaven, at whatever level of realization fills their spirit. If we are at the zoo and see parents or grandparents not enjoying the experience but just going along with everyone else in their family, it dampens the atmosphere. There will be none of that in heaven. Everyone’s face will be radiant with joy because inside of themselves they will be full of appreciation for being there.
Unseen will be the amount of appreciation that filled them with joy. Internally the joy will be different. It is like glasses full of water of different sizes. They all are full and all look as complete as can be. But, some have more water in them. If we would like to be like the bigger glasses and be in heaven with a larger reservoir of appreciation for being there, we want to obey the Scriptures that will increase our joy right now for having been redeemed for eternal life. A few of the Togethers build our spirits for this greater appreciation, bearing with one another being a major contributor.
Heaven can be felt as extremely valuable if seen as the expensive gift it is. The gospel of Jesus Christ is most meaningful and magnificent because it is a gift from God, not something we gain by our own effort. Anything we can do to increase our awareness that citizenship in heaven was impossible because of our sinful nature and given as a gift is worth pursuing. Growing in bearing with others is a certain way to do this.
Let’s think of the wonder of living in a society where everyone is joyful for receiving heaven as a gift. Imagine life where there is no “glass half empty” people, only people with full glasses, probably glasses of different sizes, but not just half full. It will be like a party where everyone gets the gift they most wanted. What fun that will be!
Let’s appreciate heaven as a gift second only to God Himself. Let’s get to bear with, accept and appreciate God’s design in many of the people that we now judge or avoid. Let’s look forward to more friends in heaven than can be counted.
Opportunity for a Closer Relationship with God through Eternity
It will also be wonderful to live in a society where everyone realizes how fortunate they are to be in heaven, at whatever level of realization fills their spirit. If we are at the zoo and see parents or grandparents not enjoying the experience but just going along with everyone else in their family, it dampens the atmosphere. There will be none of that in heaven. Everyone’s face will be radiant with joy because inside of themselves they will be full of appreciation for being there.
Unseen will be the amount of appreciation that filled them with joy. Internally the joy will be different. It is like glasses full of water of different sizes. They all are full and all look as complete as can be. But, some have more water in them. If we would like to be like the bigger glasses and be in heaven with a larger reservoir of appreciation for being there, we want to obey the Scriptures that will increase our joy right now for having been redeemed for eternal life. A few of the Togethers build our spirits for this greater appreciation, bearing with one another being a major contributor.
Heaven can be felt as extremely valuable if seen as the expensive gift it is. The gospel of Jesus Christ is most meaningful and magnificent because it is a gift from God, not something we gain by our own effort. Anything we can do to increase our awareness that citizenship in heaven was impossible because of our sinful nature and given as a gift is worth pursuing. Growing in bearing with others is a certain way to do this.
Let’s think of the wonder of living in a society where everyone is joyful for receiving heaven as a gift. Imagine life where there is no “glass half empty” people, only people with full glasses, probably glasses of different sizes, but not just half full. It will be like a party where everyone gets the gift they most wanted. What fun that will be!
Let’s appreciate heaven as a gift second only to God Himself. Let’s get to bear with, accept and appreciate God’s design in many of the people that we now judge or avoid. Let’s look forward to more friends in heaven than can be counted.
Opportunity for a Closer Relationship with God through Eternity
Caleb and Gershon are sitting by the well in their village on the New Earth. They are from hundreds of years before Jesus the Messiah died on the cross for their sins. In fact, they both lived with Moses, Caleb being a ranking official in Israel.
All of a sudden Jesus is there with them in heaven. He reminisces with Caleb and Gershon about his putting up with people who listened but refused to believe, especially in his hometown of Nazareth. He mentions that he often led with the invitation, “Let those who have ears, listen.” Gershon nods his head in recognition. But, he did not listen to the Lord and did not speak out for God when the people rebelled and did not want to go into the Promised Land. Still, Gershon is enjoying the conversation with Jesus. However, Caleb was the one who spoke out boldly (Numbers 13:30) and was not listened to. Instead of just enjoying the conversation, Caleb is actually bonding deeply with Jesus through empathy because both had been ignored in critical situations. Caleb truly enjoys that the relationship with his Lord is so strong because both he and Jesus had put up with those who did not listen to them back on the old earth. |
Putting up with Christians now, both their different and annoying ways and their sinfulness will endear us to God. In heaven we will be very aware of His pleasure in us for doing so.
Suppose we have an elderly aunt living with us who is sickly and needs special care. We are her caretakers and we love her very much. She is very much a part of us. But, we have to go out of town for something so important no one else can do it for us. A friend volunteers to move into our house for the few days we will be gone and take care of our beloved aunt. When we return we learn that this friend put up with our aunt’s special needs and personal idiosyncracies, even her occasional gruff, sinful behavior. We are so very appreciative of our friend because she put up with and was not judgmental with our aunt. In the future when this friend comes to our home for dinner, we will treat her very special, better than we treat other guests.
This example should show us how reasonable it is to assume that God will have a little extra something for those of us who similarly put up with His children before death when they were sometimes hard to live with. Is this deeper relationship with God worth acquiring? For those of us who wish for as much closeness with God as possible, we must put at top priority bearing with lots of difficult Christians. After we die we will not have this opportunity in heaven any more than our friend will have the chance to show someone else’s sick aunt mercy and grace in heaven where no one will be sick or demanding or obnoxious. Bearing with disagreeable behavior must be done now for the rewards it will bring in closer relationship with God.
Beyond increased closeness with God because we lovingly put up with His people, there is another reward of closeness that comes from bearing with one another. This relates to the increased empathy with God we will have if we put up with other Christians.
As has been mentioned, God puts up with His people when they ignore Him, act disrespectful, deny His truth in their behavior, and even when they occasionally commit very hurtful sins. When we do the same and bear with one another, even though it is much less than He does, we go through what He goes through. We will understand the forgiving and merciful love of God for His disappointing people much more than those who do not bear with others. This connection with what God went through will enable us to experience a closeness with Him not available to those who did not bear with the sins of others as He did.
This empathy with God putting up with us and His people cannot be gained in heaven where we will not need to bear with one another with regard to sin. This empathy must be developed now. Will we cherish our relationship with God enough now to become more and more tolerant of other Christians when they sin? Let’s say, “Yes, God is that important to us!”
Praise & Prayer Regarding this Together
Gracious God, thank You for putting up with me and all my sins. I truly appreciate that You responded so many times with grace rather than punishment. And, I especially thank You that You sent your only begotten Son to take my sins upon Himself. I can’t be thankful enough!
I and those in my Christian Inner Circle will need Your help to grow our spirits to bear with others, especially those who hurt us. Help us to yield to the work of the Holy Spirit for all of us to give You more glory in the way we put up with believers very different from ourselves.
Please help us all to become more like Jesus and increasingly put up with and not react negatively to other Christians when they behave in bad ways. Help us to remember that Jesus did not reject those who disappointed Him, were infectious with leprosy, were oppressed by demons, and the like. Help those of us in our Christian Inner Circles to help one another grow in bearing with others.
May our lives worship You more because we, like You, put up with a lot of poor behavior, even quite sinful behavior. Help us to not believe that bearing with such behavior is approving of it. In fact, put courage into us to follow up bearing with another’s objectionable behavior with corrective love and help to change, especially if they are in our Christian Inner Circles.
Make us strong in Your power to defeat the devil by being so secure in Your love that the bad or hurtful behavior of others has no effect on our loving response to them. Especially in our closest Christian relationships, help us not let Satan have his way and destroy our bonds of love.
Help us all to prepare for heaven by growing to get past being irritated with and judging those who hurt us, but rather enjoy them instead, in spite of their behavior. Assist us in preparation for enjoying millions of citizens in heaven who will never hurt us but will be so very different from us.
Suppose we have an elderly aunt living with us who is sickly and needs special care. We are her caretakers and we love her very much. She is very much a part of us. But, we have to go out of town for something so important no one else can do it for us. A friend volunteers to move into our house for the few days we will be gone and take care of our beloved aunt. When we return we learn that this friend put up with our aunt’s special needs and personal idiosyncracies, even her occasional gruff, sinful behavior. We are so very appreciative of our friend because she put up with and was not judgmental with our aunt. In the future when this friend comes to our home for dinner, we will treat her very special, better than we treat other guests.
This example should show us how reasonable it is to assume that God will have a little extra something for those of us who similarly put up with His children before death when they were sometimes hard to live with. Is this deeper relationship with God worth acquiring? For those of us who wish for as much closeness with God as possible, we must put at top priority bearing with lots of difficult Christians. After we die we will not have this opportunity in heaven any more than our friend will have the chance to show someone else’s sick aunt mercy and grace in heaven where no one will be sick or demanding or obnoxious. Bearing with disagreeable behavior must be done now for the rewards it will bring in closer relationship with God.
Beyond increased closeness with God because we lovingly put up with His people, there is another reward of closeness that comes from bearing with one another. This relates to the increased empathy with God we will have if we put up with other Christians.
As has been mentioned, God puts up with His people when they ignore Him, act disrespectful, deny His truth in their behavior, and even when they occasionally commit very hurtful sins. When we do the same and bear with one another, even though it is much less than He does, we go through what He goes through. We will understand the forgiving and merciful love of God for His disappointing people much more than those who do not bear with others. This connection with what God went through will enable us to experience a closeness with Him not available to those who did not bear with the sins of others as He did.
This empathy with God putting up with us and His people cannot be gained in heaven where we will not need to bear with one another with regard to sin. This empathy must be developed now. Will we cherish our relationship with God enough now to become more and more tolerant of other Christians when they sin? Let’s say, “Yes, God is that important to us!”
Praise & Prayer Regarding this Together
Gracious God, thank You for putting up with me and all my sins. I truly appreciate that You responded so many times with grace rather than punishment. And, I especially thank You that You sent your only begotten Son to take my sins upon Himself. I can’t be thankful enough!
I and those in my Christian Inner Circle will need Your help to grow our spirits to bear with others, especially those who hurt us. Help us to yield to the work of the Holy Spirit for all of us to give You more glory in the way we put up with believers very different from ourselves.
Please help us all to become more like Jesus and increasingly put up with and not react negatively to other Christians when they behave in bad ways. Help us to remember that Jesus did not reject those who disappointed Him, were infectious with leprosy, were oppressed by demons, and the like. Help those of us in our Christian Inner Circles to help one another grow in bearing with others.
May our lives worship You more because we, like You, put up with a lot of poor behavior, even quite sinful behavior. Help us to not believe that bearing with such behavior is approving of it. In fact, put courage into us to follow up bearing with another’s objectionable behavior with corrective love and help to change, especially if they are in our Christian Inner Circles.
Make us strong in Your power to defeat the devil by being so secure in Your love that the bad or hurtful behavior of others has no effect on our loving response to them. Especially in our closest Christian relationships, help us not let Satan have his way and destroy our bonds of love.
Help us all to prepare for heaven by growing to get past being irritated with and judging those who hurt us, but rather enjoy them instead, in spite of their behavior. Assist us in preparation for enjoying millions of citizens in heaven who will never hurt us but will be so very different from us.