Christians Together
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  • How to's
    • Loving Your Inner Circle
    • Being Married >
      • Finding Long-Term Stability and Deep Meaning
      • Preventing Unfaithfulness
      • Growing in Christ Together
      • Enjoying Each Other
    • Raising a Family >
      • Having Enough Money
      • Helping One Another Succeed
      • Helping Kids Turn Out Right
      • Making Family Life Enjoyable and Responsible
      • Caring for Elderly Parents and Grandparents
      • Parenting Alone
    • Having Friends >
      • Making Friends
      • Keeping Friendships Interesting and Meaningful
      • Meshing with Family
    • Being Single >
      • Finding Meaning in Life and Dealing with Loneliness
      • Picking a Mate
    • Aging Well >
      • Getting in Touch with Life’s Deeper Meaning
      • Avoiding Helplessness
      • Surviving Financially
      • Not Burdening the Kids
      • Braving Illness
      • Facing Death with Courage
    • Tackling Life >
      • Preventing or Resolving Conflict
      • Succeeding in a Job
      • Maintaining and Growing in Purity
  • Essential Foundations
    • Preface & Introduction
    • Chapter 1: Growth of Our Spirits into Christ's Image
    • Chapter 2: Faith Together Must Become Essential
    • Chapter 3: Preparing for Heaven Needs to Be Now
    • Chapter 4: The Togethers in Worship & Battle
    • Chapter 5: The Togethers and Eternal Relationship with God
  • The Togethers
    • Togethers of Relationship with God >
      • 01 Worship God
      • 02 Submit to God
      • 03 Led by Jesus
      • 04 Communicate with God
      • 05 Serve God
    • Attitudinal Togethers >
      • 06 Love
      • 07 Belong to
      • 08 Be Devoted
      • 09 Accept
      • 10 Bear with
      • 11 Forgive
      • 12 Submit to One Another
      • 13 Serve One Another
    • Togethers That Hold Together >
      • 14 Citizens of Heaven
      • 15 Meet Together
      • 16 Unity
      • 17 Peace
      • 18 Humble
      • 19 Harmony
      • 20 Mercy
      • 21 Meet Needs
    • Togethers That Strengthen >
      • 22 Hospitable
      • 23 Treat Equally
      • 24 Share
      • 25 Administer Grace
      • 26 Speak Truthfully
      • 27 Encourage >
        • Encouragement Methods
      • 28 Honor
      • 29 Commend
      • 30 Spur On
    • Togethers That Heal >
      • 31 Hurt With
      • 32 Comfort
      • 33 Confess Sins
      • 34 Carry Burdens
      • 35 Restore Faith
    • Togethers of Spiritual Growth >
      • 36 Seek the Kingdom
      • 37 Pursue Holiness
      • 38 Examine Faith
      • 39 Teach
      • 40 Counsel
      • 41 Disciple
      • 42 See Do His or Her Part
      • 43 Face Discipline
    • Togethers of Involvement in the World >
      • 44 Be Salt
      • 45 Be Wise
    • Togethers of Evangelism >
      • 46 Uphold Messengers in Prayer
      • 47 Be the Light
    • Togethers of Battle >
      • 48 Contend for the Faith
      • 49 Arm Yourselves
      • 50 Warn
      • 51 Battle Temptation
      • 52 Stand Up to Devil
      • 53 Test the Spirits
      • 54 Hate Evil
      • 55 Die For
      • 56 Rescue and Restore
    • Togethers of Perseverance >
      • 57 Pray for One Another
      • 58 Run the Race
      • 59 Preserve Hope
      • 60 Face Hardship
      • 61 Hold to the Truth
      • 62 Look Out for One Another's Good
      • 63 Forbid Mistreatment
      • 64 Prevent Love Money
      • 65 Prevent Revenge
  • Resources & Applications
    • Friends Together with Jesus >
      • Getting Started in Friendships That Build the Church
      • Jesus in the Cereal Aisle
      • 3 Friends Walk into a Cafe
    • Family Together with Jesus >
      • Getting Started in Family Life That Builds the Church
      • How to Lead a Family as a Family
      • Successful Family Dialogue
    • Marriage Together with Jesus >
      • God-Centered Marriage
      • Getting Started in Helping Your Marriage Build the Church
      • Successful Couple Dialogue
      • Powerful Hints for a Successful Marriage
    • Communication & Fun Games

Questions & Answers


Q. How can my family work together to bring out the very best in one another?

A.
Western Christianity’s unbiblical emphasis on individual spiritual growth makes us think that people can become their best by their own efforts. The false pride of individual accomplishment can drive some to make significant changes, but a self-centered focus limits the results. America’s regard for rugged individualism grossly misinterprets how our nation was founded and expanded. And love of psychology over sociology hides the greater power of families, teams, small groups and friendships.

The truth is that there is tremendous power in wanting to be a constructive member of a group — in this case your family — where success comes from interdependent effort. The desire to be seen in a positive light by others greatly influences personal change. The possibility of negative consequences from not being a positive member also forces resistant people to make changes.

So begin by developing a biblical family purpose. Perhaps this example will help: “To help each other enjoy life and be all that God wants us to be (as individuals and as a family).” Then, after your family has agreed on a purpose based on mutual help, most things the family does should require joint, helpful action. Kids can agree to remind one another in a loving manner to do their chores, finish their homework, etc. The family can work at complimenting and thanking one another for contributions to the family’s happiness or for a family member’s achievements.

Another idea is to create an award for good behavior. The “Excellent Family Member Award” will encourage family cooperation and help everyone feel good about contributing to the family’s happiness and success. In my family (Dick’s), we called it the Good Egg Award. Call yours whatever you wish.

Here is how it works. Each night when the family gathers (usually for dinner, but you can do it during a commercial on TV), the person who has the Excellent Family Member Award from the night before (or the last time the family gathered together) gives it to someone else, mentioning something that person did to help the family or a family member in the last couple of days. 

Take anything that can make a good trophy and turn it into an award. For our “Good Egg Award” (based on the phrase back then: “You are a good egg”) we used a plastic egg (one used for Easter) mounted on a wooden block. A small American flag (or your country’s flag) in a block of wood would emphasize good citizenship. A glass goblet could be engraved with the name of your choice. I’m sure your family can come up with a wonderful trophy to pass around each day.


An award like this will: (1) affirm your family’s way of relating, (2) change sibling rivalry into sibling appreciation, (3) reduce self-centeredness in the family, (4) make everyone feel good about being helpful and contributing to the family, (5) foster a positive family attitude, and (6) instill skills in affirming, loyalty, appreciation and team cooperation.
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